Monday, November 12, 2012

Global Warming

When Al Gore invented the internet, he must have been planning to use it to raise awareness and fight against global warming. That is why I am using the internet, but is the case for global warming as clear cut as scientists have been claiming? Sure, they can point to evidence like shrinking glaciers and rising CO2 levels in our atmosphere, but do they really believe that the smartest life forms on planet Earth are dumb enough to commit matricide? Of course not, we are way too smart for that. We are simply playing chicken with ourselves because we are also the most insecure life forms on the planet, or perhaps we just hate change.

So what is the solution? My crack research has lead me to some out of the box ideas that I think might just work. One person, on yahoo answers suggested we distribute fans around the world and turn them all on at the same time. Perhaps in theory this could work but I believe that would only consume vast amounts of electricity with no net loss in temperature, but if everyone were to jump at the same time we may knock the Earth out of orbit just a tad, thrusting us further away from the Sun thus cooling us off via orbital loosening like that of a portly man's belt after a Thanksgiving feast. We only have so many notches on the orbital belt however, we don't want to accidentally run into Mars or leave the "goldy lox zone".

So what about practical solutions? I took an engineering class in college on global sustainability. We brainstormed several ideas on how to reduce our carbon footprint through smarter designed cities built around foot traffic, green energy, improving our consumption habits, and other non jumping based solutions. It was a great class, until the day the professor wore his NASCAR hat to class and admitted it was an ironic guilty pleasure. Not nearly as masculine as my guilty pleasure, blow torching glacier melting! Admit it, you would jump at the chance to blow torch a glacier, think of the great monuments we could sculpt out of the polar ice caps, or better yet an ice hotel, move over Easter Island heads!

After a week in this hotel, you'll be asking why this whole global warming thing is taking so long! In conclusion, don't be dumb, do your part. Re fill your big gulp cup at least once! I'm a hypocrite on that one. Thank you!


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