Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Deer Nerd Journal, One of my favorite diseases is Munchhausen Syndrome, or as I call it, the faking it syndrome. Everyone catches a serious case of the Munchies around the time their favorite book becomes a movie. For me it started out as a minor case. My first grade year of school I bought my first fake vomit which tricked my mother only once. By junior high I had improved my technique by faking massive headaches due to my headbanging tic caused by my turrets syndrome. And by my 12 grade year I had developed a full blown case of senioritis which oddly enough was considered a good enough excuse in and of itself to get me out of class most of the time. Teachers would just tell me, "good luck making it through college, where you have to pay to be there." This concept floored me, I'd been faking sick for 13 years just to stay out of these learning establishments and now they expected me to pay to act sick? Well 153 credit hours later, school still makes me sick, but at least now I'm just an intern. I can feel the headaches start to subside, until I look at the balance due on my student loans. Those you have to fake dead to get out of, and I am far too lazy to pull that one off.

This week we talked a lot about mice. Alex Shadie said that they do not dress up his mice in hats and beards, but I may have found evidence towards the contrary.

There was another important question that was brought up during the podcast that was not answered fully. Do mice really not prefer cheese over any other food option?! Mice loving cheese was an assumption accompanied me throughout my entire life, and now my entire foundation may be shaken. An overwhelming majority of the Saturday morning cartoons I watched during the most formative years of my youth played on this simple fact. I must get to the bottom of this. I will be right back... no ... it can't be! After only one minute of research on the interwebs everything I have known and loved about mice is ruined. APPARENTLY according to this Mail Online article they hate cheese. It goes on to say that they have evolved without cheese, hence they do not seek it out. Well, everybody knows that mice stopped evolving naturally ever sense labs were invented. Which gives me a great idea. I'm going to evolve my own breed of cheese loving, cat killing, sombrero wearing mice!

Now on to the clip I wanted to share. It ties in with what David was talking about towards the beginning of the episode. Agent Smith essentially calls us humans an infectious disease because we spread out too much? Well, just watch.

I would like to point out that we are living on the surface of the planet Earth, and all the viruses that I know about float around inside our bodies. Also, humans made up this story. I don't think it's a very nice thing to say about ourselves and we should really apologies to ourselves for calling our race a virus. By the way when the Earth sneezes lava, are we supposed to say gesundheit? I do, because I'm not a germ I'm a man with a heart! There are hundreds of things that set us apart from viruses. Does a virus ever say please or thank you, or excuse itself after a meal? I think not. Does a virus cheer on it's grandchildren during baseball games? Maybe. To be honest I have no way of checking on that. For all I know they could be running bases around my small intestines, I do feel a lot of action going on down there at the moment.

If we do end up killing the planet though that would suck, especially since we haven't found a new one to infect yet. And finally, to try and tie this blog together, like a bulging suitcase that ties rather than zips, let me just say, Earth stop pretending to be sick, we all know you're faking this whole global warming thing to get attention. We have all done the thermometer in boiling water trick, and pretended to have fevers so hot that we could melt ice on our foreheads. It only works once, and then it becomes this boy who cried wolf scenario and we defiantly don't want that, besides we totally need you to come into work today. OK buddy? Thanks Earth.

Thanks everybody for reading, and thanks again to our guest this week, Alex Shadie from down under! For more clips you can check out professorblastoff.com and aaronburrellcomedy.com

listen to episode #42 Disease!

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