Samurai

This week we had a little trouble with the proper spelling of Samori. Here is a little trick to help you remeber. It comes from what the professor said, "who took my cat Ana, Sam or I?".  And there you have it, the proper way to spell Samori is Sam or I. Thank you Dustin, by the way for all you do!

Since I used up all my childhood fighting stories in the blog about Kung Fu, I will get to the research that went unused in this episode. While studying the topic, I kept coming accross the name Miyamoto Musashi. He was one of the most famous Samurais and wrote a book called The Five Rings. I was impressed by the back story of Miyamoto. After surviving an all out blood bath of a battle he camped out in the woods for four years so he could practice how to become the best warrior he could be, and this was several centuries before the use of  montage mind you. There were no short cuts here. It is said that he had a no nonsense personality, which doesn't surprise me. He didn't have anyone to riff off of for four years. Even if he came up with the greatest joke in history he couldn't have shared it with anyone. That has weigh on you, and would explain why he got so skilled at fighting. Which reminds me of David's upcoming comedy tour, revenge of the comic. "This time he's serious folks!"

I'm also sharing this documentary I watched on Miyamoto, enjoy this when you have a good hour and a half to kill. After watching it, if you have more time to kill, go stand out in the woods and see how long it takes before you loose your sense of humor. It took me 22 minutes, but that's because I my blood sugar was dipping because I ran out of animal crackers.



Now that you have cleared your mind of any silliness, check out these bonus links to the history of the Samurai. All joking aside, this is a fascinating part of history.

http://www.samurai-archives.com/cultcat.html
http://judoinfo.com/samurai.htm

Lastly, are Klingon's Samurais? When they face a battle they always say things like, perhaps today is a good day to die. I feel like forced laughter was invented for situations like these. Buck up soldier! By the way, watching a grown man charge at you, going full speed, with a sword in his hands, whilst laughing uncontrollably, is the best way to cure the hiccups. If you don't believe me try it.

For back loged blogs go to my website AaronBurrellComedy.com and follow the blog link. Also go to professorblastoff.com more more extras! Thanks guys, and girls.

Art

Art helps us answer some of life's greatest questions. It is a way for men and women to express the otherwise inexpressible. How do you explain what it feels like to have your heart ripped from your chest? Perhaps you write a song as I did with my first heart break, or paint a pretty picture as I did with my second, or maybe you create a blog, as I did with my third. Unfortunately though, I haven't had my heart broken for years, and that is why I never graduated film school.

So what does it take to be a good artist? Is it insight, talent, perspective, persistence, what? I think that the journey of finding and appreciating good art is almost as difficult as creating it. I hear it takes 10,000 hours to become a master at something, my problem is, I get bored after about 15 minutes. So sticking to one craft for 10,000 hours would require quite a dynamic medium. I think I may be able to stick to researching for that 10,000 hours, but that's not exactly artistic in and of itself. But check back in 10,000 /(24X365.25) years and maybe I will have created an incredibly mind blowing montage. My math may be off due to the fact that I didn't give myself any time to sleep, or eat, or de-wax my ears, but 10,000 hours is only a little over a year. So really there is no excuse for any of us not to become masters of some kind of art. Seriously get to work!



Referring to this week's clip though, simply throwing a bunch of hours at a project doesn't always garner the respect of your peers or make you a master. Mr. Brainwash, from the film Exit Through the Gift Shop, spent hours upon hours documenting, and learning about street art and the artists behind it. But when it came time for him to display what he had learned from all of that research, he seemed to be out of step with the artists who mentored him.  In his subjective opinion, maybe all art is is making something exist for people to see. For me, art is more personal. It is a conduit for making emotional connections, a way to share the human experience. And if you never really pour your heart and soul into your art, then what kind of connection can you possibly make with your audience?

And finally, the anatomy of hand turkeys.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to all the artists out there. If you have any hand turkeys you would like to share, please do.

Enligtenment

In the 18th century, philosopher Immanuel Kant wrote an essay on the question "What is Enlightenment?". He said “Enlightenment is man's emergence from his self-imposed immaturity. Immaturity is the inability to use one's understanding without guidance from another. This immaturity is self-imposed when its cause lies not in lack of understanding, but in lack of resolve and courage to use it without guidance from another.! [dare to know] "Have courage to use your own understanding!"--that is the motto of enlightenment.”

See his essay in entirety here: 
http://www.sas.upenn.edu/~mgamer/Etexts/kant.html

In Jr. high I had an enlightened, catty teacher who was constantly calling me immature because I refused to pay attention to her algebraic indoctrinations. "You can't sit there and expect me to believe in your imaginary numbers!"I would say. Who knew this was an enlightened response? I was simply trying to shrug off the guidance of my math master in an attempt to gain my own understanding of the numeric world. OK, I lie. I was just lazy, but this does make me think. What is the point of learning all about math and science if you never ask yourself what it all means for you? Furthermore, if one never expands the knowledge beyond ones self, what have they contributed to this interconnected world?

I think that as a society becomes more knowledgeable, more individuals have the potential to become enlightened. There are more fountains of knowledge to draw from. So why do we live in an age of the world wide web where there is a buffet of free information but people still remain in the dark about so many things?  I think, for one, some people fear knowledge, because having more of it makes you more accountable. You can't just walk down the street and watch a man choke to death as you do nothing when you knew how to save him. Most of society would expect you to act on your knowledge. Early on in my youth I made the mistake of learning how to make cinnamon rolls, and guess who got suckered into whipping up a batch every time gamma came to visit? ME! So I say no thank you to learning how to cook, or if I do I keep it to my selfish little self. So with that I invite you to watch this clip about the development of the French encyclopedia. I will warn you though. It might spark an interest inside you to gallivant around trying to learn about things. If this happens, just remind yourself, the more people know you don't know, the less they will ask you to do stuff.



Now the most dangerous thing you can ever get out clips like these, is learning how to learn. I made this mistake in college. Once I started learning stuff on my own other students in my classes started asking me questions which totally ate into my video game time. Then I learned how to give them wrong answers and they left me alone. But then I felt guilty about it. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't hide your corn chips under a bushel, put them on a candlestick for all the world to enjoy.

 A special thanks goes out to the worlds most enlightened guest Kevin Burntson, and to all who have contributed in one way or another to our journey to enlightenment. For more Professor Blastoff extras go to professorblastoff.com and for more info on me aaronburrellcomedy.com where you can link to backlogged blogs and more!

Kung Fu

Every boy, and some girls, in my fourth grade class bragged about being a black belt in Karate. Then one day, a boy walked onto the playground and claimed to have a black belt in Kung Fu! Suddenly he was the big kid on school grounds, everybody wanted him for their basketball team at recess, as though Kung Fu translated to better lay ups. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe it does. The only problem is, that Kung Fu kid plateaued at 5 feet 2 inches in high school. I, on the other hand grew to a healthy 6 feet 3 inches, but never took Kung Fu so that is why I suck at basketball, I can finally sleep well knowing that.

Listening to Kyle's bicycle mutilation story reinforces the fact that kids really could benefit from learning the discipline underscored in Kung Fu. It seems that self preservation is a trained skill that kids often choose to learn the hard way. Kids never think ahead about how much it costs to get 17 stitches, or do I want to use these arms again some day. They just look at an old rusty slides with jagged holes like cheese graters as a challenge. They think,"I will be the coolest kid on the playground if I survive this!" Then they jump down, hoping their baby wranglers will take the worst of the grating.
Don't worry. This slide isn't real, it's just an analogy.

Our guest, Christian Everhard, told us that Kung Fu is all about self mastery and controlling your chi. He then defined chi as breath. This is not good for me because my wife tells me that I have the worst smelling breath out of all 7 billion humans and most dogs. Obviously the smell of your chi is not that important, but if I can smell alcohol on your chi, I might feel more confident in fighting you, or beating you at basketball.

I want to get into the clip we left out this week. Do you remember a little tv show in the 70's called the Toa of Kung Fu? This clip teaches us about reaching deep inside of ourselves to overcome our evil desires within. The young grasshopper looked deep within his soul and saw dark and fearful shadows in motion, which is a beautiful way of saying "I think I have gas." If you look at his face at the beginning of the clip, that is what you will see, clear signs of painful indigestion.



This brings up an excellent point. A major part of martial arts is self control. Can you imagine what would have happened if the boy did not have the self control to hold in his chi? His master, with his hyper active sense of smell, would have died immediately. Clearly the boy needs a good detoxing tea.
By the way, this kid grows up to be Steve Nash I think.

Thanks for reading everybody! Go to professorblastoff.com for more extras and aaronburrellcomedy.com for more on what I'm up to.
 

Taste

My favorite kind of tests are taste tests. If you ever get bored and hungry, go to your local  food court and request a sample from each restaurant within, then finish it off by going to the chocolates kiosk and sampling some dessert. My wife had a gift certificate to a local chocolate shack and I learned a cool trick by accident. I pointed to a chocolate and told the man behind the counter, "I'd like to try that one." I thought he would just put it in the bag and add it to the order, but he just handed it to me instead! I asked to try 4 more chocolates before I started feeling guilty, or maybe I was just crashing from my sugar high. Or perhaps I was just drunk on chocolate like this adorable toddler...wait they put whiskey in their chocolate!? They can't be serving that to little kids! This hilarious baby is being exploited by this ad to imply that they are serving chocolates filled with devil spit to children! Please do not serve whiskey to children or you will go straight to hell and be forced to give sponge baths to the gods of swamp rock.

Our guest, Kathleen Kaller, talked about how marketing affects the way we prefer our food. People use the executive centers of their brains when selecting a beverage. Does this mean that advertising changes the way we taste our products or simply how we choose them? I would hope that I am smart enough to not be manipulated into liking horrible fast food. Maybe I allow myself to be tricked when I am desperate. I often cave in to my laziness at midnight when my options are limited. There is no way I'm slicing my own cheese and tomato at that hour, so I talk myself into eating fast food. As I pull up to the drive through window I psych myself up with a familiar pep talk, "I'm going to eat great, and even look how late it is!" And then I suffer from another sugar crashing guilt trip after glugging my 64 oz soda. why did I get the extra large dew at midnight? Maybe if water had worked on it's marketing campain I wouldn't still be awake at 4:30 in the morning with a name brand bottle acetaminophen in my hand.

I want to share this clip that we didn't get to on the show. It talks about how the tongue sends signals to the brain depending on what respecters are triggered. The receptors include sweet, sour, salt, bitter, and edamame...just kidding. The last one is umami. Here is the clip.



I found it interesting when he said many odors linger 8 inches off the ground. This is hard to disprove, because who in there right mind is going to walk around on all fours all day sniffing the air? And why do dog's, with a heightened sense of smell, always stick their noses right up into other dog's whatchamacallits? Ooh, I think I just came up with a new idea for a commercial  for my favorite childhood candy bar!

Thanks everyone for checking out this weeks blog. Go check out professorblastoff.com for more PB stuff and check out my website AaronBurrellComedy.com

Listen to episode #43 Taste here!

Disease

Deer Nerd Journal, One of my favorite diseases is Munchhausen Syndrome, or as I call it, the faking it syndrome. Everyone catches a serious case of the Munchies around the time their favorite book becomes a movie. For me it started out as a minor case. My first grade year of school I bought my first fake vomit which tricked my mother only once. By junior high I had improved my technique by faking massive headaches due to my headbanging tic caused by my turrets syndrome. And by my 12 grade year I had developed a full blown case of senioritis which oddly enough was considered a good enough excuse in and of itself to get me out of class most of the time. Teachers would just tell me, "good luck making it through college, where you have to pay to be there." This concept floored me, I'd been faking sick for 13 years just to stay out of these learning establishments and now they expected me to pay to act sick? Well 153 credit hours later, school still makes me sick, but at least now I'm just an intern. I can feel the headaches start to subside, until I look at the balance due on my student loans. Those you have to fake dead to get out of, and I am far too lazy to pull that one off.

This week we talked a lot about mice. Alex Shadie said that they do not dress up his mice in hats and beards, but I may have found evidence towards the contrary.



There was another important question that was brought up during the podcast that was not answered fully. Do mice really not prefer cheese over any other food option?! Mice loving cheese was an assumption accompanied me throughout my entire life, and now my entire foundation may be shaken. An overwhelming majority of the Saturday morning cartoons I watched during the most formative years of my youth played on this simple fact. I must get to the bottom of this. I will be right back... no ... it can't be! After only one minute of research on the interwebs everything I have known and loved about mice is ruined. APPARENTLY according to this Mail Online article they hate cheese. It goes on to say that they have evolved without cheese, hence they do not seek it out. Well, everybody knows that mice stopped evolving naturally ever sense labs were invented. Which gives me a great idea. I'm going to evolve my own breed of cheese loving, cat killing, sombrero wearing mice!

Now on to the clip I wanted to share. It ties in with what David was talking about towards the beginning of the episode. Agent Smith essentially calls us humans an infectious disease because we spread out too much? Well, just watch.



I would like to point out that we are living on the surface of the planet Earth, and all the viruses that I know about float around inside our bodies. Also, humans made up this story. I don't think it's a very nice thing to say about ourselves and we should really apologies to ourselves for calling our race a virus. By the way when the Earth sneezes lava, are we supposed to say gesundheit? I do, because I'm not a germ I'm a man with a heart! There are hundreds of things that set us apart from viruses. Does a virus ever say please or thank you, or excuse itself after a meal? I think not. Does a virus cheer on it's grandchildren during baseball games? Maybe. To be honest I have no way of checking on that. For all I know they could be running bases around my small intestines, I do feel a lot of action going on down there at the moment.

If we do end up killing the planet though that would suck, especially since we haven't found a new one to infect yet. And finally, to try and tie this blog together, like a bulging suitcase that ties rather than zips, let me just say, Earth stop pretending to be sick, we all know you're faking this whole global warming thing to get attention. We have all done the thermometer in boiling water trick, and pretended to have fevers so hot that we could melt ice on our foreheads. It only works once, and then it becomes this boy who cried wolf scenario and we defiantly don't want that, besides we totally need you to come into work today. OK buddy? Thanks Earth.

Thanks everybody for reading, and thanks again to our guest this week, Alex Shadie from down under! For more clips you can check out professorblastoff.com and aaronburrellcomedy.com

listen to episode #42 Disease!

Magic

My grandpa's favorite magic trick was the "got your nose" gag. I never understood why he thought my nose looked like his thumb. I just thought he was going senile and didn't want to make him feel crazy, so I played along. I feel like theme parks and haunted houses have taken the place of my grandpa's silly gag. Just as with my grandpa's trick, these places' have good intentions but sometimes come off a bit over the top. Things causing me the most wonderment are usually executed with subtlety and confidence, like chess matches or nature. As a kid, I almost wish I had never seen so many animals at the zoo, so I could have my mind blown more as an adult. I love nature because it is glorious but doesn't seem to call attention to itself, yet it overwhelms the senses.

Most magic tricks seem to use the art of miss direction. The best ones go a step beyond subtlety by guiding our attention and letting the magic take place in the background. Life is nature's ultimate miss direction. The daily grind always seems to have our focus, until we decide to pause and allow ourselves to see what has been developing in the background. A magical noose otter kid perhaps?

He made his noose disappear in an earlier trick.

For the most part it is fun to be tricked. Most of us laugh when it happens. But it is a little jarring at the same time. You think you have life pretty much figured out until some guy comes along and successfully picks your card. There has been a lot of research into the brain and how it tricks us by filling in gaps in motion. This is why if you start a throwing motion but hold the object in your hand, you can trick someone into thinking you threw it. I did this to my dog while playing fetch all the time, until she bit my hand once she caught on to my deception.

Knowing that our eye's can be deceived like that is an unsettling thought. Maybe in the future we will all walk around recording what we see so that we can play it back in slow motion when we get home, maybe then we can catch the subtle movements that our stupid brains missed.

Our guest, Derek Hughes, has done just that, although I still don't know how to play clips in slow motion on YouTube. He has recoded a magic trick that will blow your mind. It uses 3 ropes, probably taken from the above otter's missing noose.


Feel free to share any of your afterthoughts about this episode of Professor Blastoff. Or if there is anything that we left out that could go into a future episode leave a comment here or a tweet @airburple. Also check out our guest's website at derekhughes.net.

If you haven't yet listened to it, listen here to episode #41 Magic!