Kung Fu

Every boy, and some girls, in my fourth grade class bragged about being a black belt in Karate. Then one day, a boy walked onto the playground and claimed to have a black belt in Kung Fu! Suddenly he was the big kid on school grounds, everybody wanted him for their basketball team at recess, as though Kung Fu translated to better lay ups. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe it does. The only problem is, that Kung Fu kid plateaued at 5 feet 2 inches in high school. I, on the other hand grew to a healthy 6 feet 3 inches, but never took Kung Fu so that is why I suck at basketball, I can finally sleep well knowing that.

Listening to Kyle's bicycle mutilation story reinforces the fact that kids really could benefit from learning the discipline underscored in Kung Fu. It seems that self preservation is a trained skill that kids often choose to learn the hard way. Kids never think ahead about how much it costs to get 17 stitches, or do I want to use these arms again some day. They just look at an old rusty slides with jagged holes like cheese graters as a challenge. They think,"I will be the coolest kid on the playground if I survive this!" Then they jump down, hoping their baby wranglers will take the worst of the grating.
Don't worry. This slide isn't real, it's just an analogy.

Our guest, Christian Everhard, told us that Kung Fu is all about self mastery and controlling your chi. He then defined chi as breath. This is not good for me because my wife tells me that I have the worst smelling breath out of all 7 billion humans and most dogs. Obviously the smell of your chi is not that important, but if I can smell alcohol on your chi, I might feel more confident in fighting you, or beating you at basketball.

I want to get into the clip we left out this week. Do you remember a little tv show in the 70's called the Toa of Kung Fu? This clip teaches us about reaching deep inside of ourselves to overcome our evil desires within. The young grasshopper looked deep within his soul and saw dark and fearful shadows in motion, which is a beautiful way of saying "I think I have gas." If you look at his face at the beginning of the clip, that is what you will see, clear signs of painful indigestion.



This brings up an excellent point. A major part of martial arts is self control. Can you imagine what would have happened if the boy did not have the self control to hold in his chi? His master, with his hyper active sense of smell, would have died immediately. Clearly the boy needs a good detoxing tea.
By the way, this kid grows up to be Steve Nash I think.

Thanks for reading everybody! Go to professorblastoff.com for more extras and aaronburrellcomedy.com for more on what I'm up to.