Clostridium Difficile

I've been doing some research for Tig on the Infection that put her in the hospital.  It is called Clostridium Difficile, or C diff for short, and it's some pretty nasty stuff. C Diff is an aggressive bacteria that crowds out and over populates your intestines. Among other symptoms, it causes inflammation of the colon and in extreme cases removal of part of the colon or death. It kills more than 14,000 in the United States every year and affects over 300,000. You are the most susceptible to catching it if you take antibiotics. Sometimes when you take antibiotics, good bacteria that protects against infections die. This can leave you vulnerable for months.

The spores that carry the disease live for months, and you have to use bleach to kill them. Normal cleaning supplies won't do it. I got most of my info from the Center of Disease Control's website. If you watch The Walking Dead you probably know the place I'm talking about.
Here is a cheesy yet informative video that talks more about C Diff.

I recently went shopping for Tig at some random heath foods store, I cried for her a little on the inside as I realized there was no ice cream on this list. This is what a survivor eats:

• organic bananas (6 still a little green on top)
• organic pink lady apples (3)
• organic strawberries
• organic blueberries
• organic red cherries
• organic red grapes
• raw plain cashews
• brown free range large eggs (6) call me and i'll help you w/this
• organic avacado 
• amy's organic soup- lentil and lentil veg -low sodium if possible (4)
• large blue diamond almond breeze almond mild UNSWEETENED ORIGINAL (4)
• hemp milk (2)
• oat meal w/flax seeds
• kombucha- green (6)
• coconut water- (10) call me and i'll help you pick this out
• and if you have some bags in your car, use those. if not, please don't let them double bag any of this.

thanks Aaron.


On a professional note, I didn't really need to call for help about the eggs, but did anyway just to be thorough. Also I'm proud to say, non of the groceries were double bagged.

Quantum Physics

Well the most expensive game of hide and seek may finally be coming to an end. Congratulations to the scientists at CERN, who were "it", for finding the Higgs particle. It was hiding in a 5 billion dollar particle accelerator, which is exactly where I would have hidden. So what is the Higgs boson? I hear its part of a vast field of bosons that determines a particle's mass. This discovery means we could possibly travel at light speed! (Follow this link.) If I understand this correctly, and I got an A in my physics of the universe class so I'm confident I do, this discovery may lead us to an amazing new weight loss exercise routine called a Higgs Jig. A dance that would essentially eliminate our mass by manipulating the Higgs field around us. And if you make something weightless, you make it easier to accelerate. So lets just say  for fun, if you had no mass you could essentially flick someone into outer space like a bugger, unless the bugger person would just pass right through you because they had no mass. Maybe you could just kept a thin shell of mass around them...ummm here's an expert explaining the Higgs boson.

OK so he said the Higgs field is like snow, and the top quark is like a snow boots guy who falls deep into the snow. Does that help? Because if it doesn't, in the last week I've heard 9 or 10 different analogies explaining the Higgs field. All the different analogies only made me more confused. One guy said the Higgs field is like a ping pong table and some balls (particles) bounce as higher than others, another guy said the Higgs field was like his fathers acceptance which was given freely to one son but withheld it from the other, and another man explained the Higgs field using a multi variable calculus equation, which of course was the analogy that finally drove it home for me. 

Moving on to my favorite form of research, TV. Watching Star Trek is how I first became interested in quantum physics. Well Quarks anyway.

I noticed Star Trek liked to pay homage to science by naming characters after cool sounding sciencey stuff like Data, Rom, Quark and uh Bones I guess. In turn, science has paid homage to Star Trek by leading us to devolop Star Trek technology, like automatic doors at grocery stores, iPads and maybe someday a transporter. Transporter is not a very cool sounding sciencey name for a device that beams you one particle at a time from one place to another at light speed, maybe it will be called something like a Particle Shatner. For more transporter stuff read this.


Lastly, the discovery of the Higgs boson might help to explain what all that dark matter is in the universe. I only bring up dark matter to say this. If dark matter tastes anything like dark chocolate, I say no thank you sir, unless there are almonds in it, then maybe... look, quantum physics jokes are never easy to pull off. I was tempted to end on a boson the clown bit or a two massless particles walk through a bar joke, but I wont. Your welcome.  

Human Energy

I would love to prove the existence of a human energy field using the scientific method, but I just don't have the resources or the patience. I can only speak to my own experiences where I have applied trail and error in establishing a belief system, which is as unique to me as the experiences that shaped me. I admit, believing in the ability to heal someone by the use of prayer or Chi is a tough pill to swallow, and I am not one who dismisses the proven effectiveness of modern medicine or even horse pills. I only suggest that my own experiences have shown me strong evidence that having faith or a positive attitude can help the body heal a lot more efficiently. I also know that people without health insurance are much more likely to pray, because it is much less expensive, unless you are on a pay per pray program, and in that case I would recommend upgrading your service provider.

I think we are all skeptical in various degrees when it comes to things like human energy fields, Chi, or anything spiritual. The ideal for me is somewhere in the balance between skepticism and open mindedness. No one likes being taken advantage of, but there is a certain point where we have to put our trust in something beyond our comfort zone. The first time I ate a bagel and creme cheese for example, my siblings promised me it would taste delicious but I was very skeptical, probably because a week earlier they had poured pickle juice into my Kool-Aide. This gave me severe trust issues, but after a good amount of therapy from my mom I tasted a bagel for the first time and found that it was good.


Acupuncture is definitely one of those things that remain far outside my comfort zone, especially after hearing of people being left in a room for hours fully pinned and forgotten. I would much rather take neurotransmitter uptake inhibitors than lie in a bed face down and let a stranger poke needles in me. And not knowing how it would affect my nervous system worries me even more than having a rogue needle poking me in the face.

How do you measure Chi? In this clip we see a evidence of the Chi energy field. Men who have trained for years, display their ability to focus this energy. 

I've heard a lot of skepticism coming from the outside looking in on Chi, but it's interesting to see how DJ became skeptical of these journalists and how he cut them off for showing off his footage. To him, it must have felt like they poured pickle juice in his Chi, they betrayed his trust, but after a long wait and two years of deep meditation he was ready to open up to them again.


As someone who has benefited from modern medicine, meditation, and prayer, I feel like there can be a balance between them all. I think that modern medicine deals more with external modifiers that have been vigorously tested by an overwhelmingly large scientific community. But mastery of Chi, human energy, or the spirit seem to require vigorous internal and personal reflection. And prayer, even if it never reaches it's targeted deity, is at the very least a good way to focus your thoughts, desires, and gratitude. And by the way, people who pray out loud in public know full well that they look like their talking to themselves, some try to hide it by using a Bluetooth, but I think it's even weirder to look like you've reached your deity on your cell phone.

Legends

In my neighborhood there was a legend of an 8 year old boy who defeated the original Legend of Zelda in less than 2 hours, all on his first try. He did so without the aid of walkthroughs or older brothers. Many believed the boy to be the real life incarnation of the hero Link. I never met the child prodigy and could never authenticate this story, but I gained a great deal from his legend. His example gave me the strength to push myself to grater heights. At age 12 I was the first in my town to successfully gathered all 120 stars of Mario 64.

I don't write this to boast of myself, I know it comes of as vain, I only mention this feat in hopes of giving others courage to rise to grater heights. Many tasks in life, at first, may seem insurmountable, and sadly often when we hear tales of heroic feats, we write them off as Legends, because that is a lot easier than raising our own bar. I guarantee you, that with a little ambition, a lot of patience, and a modicum of resolve, you too can gather every last star in your own copy of Mario 64 and meet in victory with Yoshi on the rooftop of the princesses castle!

One odd thing about legends like Bigfoot is that early photographic images of them always come up blurry.  I did some research and it turns out that even early images of the hero link from the Legend of Zelda were surprisingly blurry. Does this mean as technology evolves Legends evolve along with it?... if you are epileptic scroll down quickly.

I took a college class on legends and fairy tales a few years back, and the one story that stood out the most was the Arabian Nights. Basically this girl was supposed to be executed for something but got out of it by telling the Sultan stories with cliff hangers every night. The cool thing is how the Arabian Nights was not written down for years. There were hundreds of these subplots that grew out of this one main story, and finally someone decided to write a bunch of em down. Each story seemed to have a moral or manipulative message embedded in them, like don't hit goats. I forget exactly, but the important thing is the way legends evolve almost in a Darwinian manner. If one generation didn't like a story they wouldn't pass it down to the next, or if they did they would at least change things here and there.

Some have defined legends as being unauthenticated. I can not tell you the origin of this definition because the definition itself is in fact legendary. I think it is human nature to leave some things uncharted and mysterious. If I were to ever meet the Zelda boy I would most certainly be disappointed at the details of his life. I think even if Bigfoot was authentic most would want to hold on to him, or her as a legend because Bigfoot is way more entertaining as a mystery than just another zoo attraction. To illustrate this a little, here is a clip I found about a human chimp named Oliver aka little big foot. He walks upright has a bald head, and looves beef jerky.

Maybe all Bigfoot is is just a bigger version of Oliver. Which opens the door to a future movie mashup, Teenage Mutant Ninja Bigfoot. And maybe we can just change his origin story completely and say he is just an alien.

Reconciliation

If reconciliation means to coexist in harmony, it seems to be a tall order. If someone has deeply wounded you, how do you coexist with them in harmony? Well we all coexist with everyone on the opposite side of the planet technically. It seems to me that forgiveness doesn't automatically include regaining trust or credibility. I once stole $5 from my sister's sock drawer and spent it all on ice cream, she of course stole that ice cream from me and even after all my trouble I didn't even get one bite of it. That was 25 years ago, and I'm still a little bitter about the whole thing. Sure I've sense forgiven her for it, but can I trust her around ice cream again? Sometimes at birthday parties I will let my guard down a little, but not if it's ice cream cake, so we are working on rebuilding that trust, but it takes time.

Some fractured relationships can be repaired with a little bit of communication, like with Tig and Taylor Dayne. Sometimes though, communication can lead to insults or insinuations, which can even lead to punching and or wrestling, this can be fun if done with over sized boxing gloves in a bouncy castle. This is how me and my wife decide who gets to choose what's for dinner on date nights. The first time I let her win she chose vegan food, I never let her win again.

Actually this isn't us, this is just some idiot on a prom date. Good luck explaining this one to her dad. 

I do get in fights with my wife, but only when I'm driving. I have a problem with road rage, and she argues that the other drivers can't hear me yelling at them, that only she can, and it's "incredibly annoying". So one day I decided to use sign language to communicate with my fellow drivers, and she still got mad and said "you really need to expand your vocabulary", and I had to eat vegan food again. That's how we harmonize, I guess it works for now but eventually I'm going to need to learn how to coexist in harmony with other driver's as well, that or get a helicopter.

Lastly, I wanted to share this animated version of the prodigal son story. By now we all know that the moral of the story is to have a cool dad.

I don't necessarily believe this is how the real story went down. What I think really happened was, the family's cable went out and the son got bored, one thing lead to another and he ended up eating pig slop out of a trough, and the real moral of the story is, don't let your son eat pig slop out of a trough, get rid of cable and upgrade to Direct TV. And as an added bonus with satellite TV, you'll never have to spend another awkward dinner talking about your day again, thus avoiding any miss communications and de-harmonization.

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Twins

I've always wanted my own twin, but I guess I wasn't that good at multitasking in the womb to make that happen. Also I called shotgun. Every time I see a set of twins I can't help think to about how much sleep deprivation their parents must have had. Which explains why you would you force your kids to wear matching cowboy outfits, not even on an non Halloween night? That's a double negative, and I don't mean grammatically.


Here is a clip we didn't have time to share. It deals with nature vs nurture. It's about twins Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein, who were deliberately separated at birth as part of a psychiatric study. Later in life they found each other on their own. And one of them immediately died her hair.


Luckily the mad scientists that separated them got some fascinating results! They both went to film school, were editors of their high school papers, dealt with depression, and share similar mannerisms. I'd call that experiment a smashing success! You may have to throw out the shared depression part though, I have a feeling that was maybe due to a mysterious case of separation anxiety? I must admit, it would have been much classier if the scientists would have asked them as babies first if they even wanted to be separated. They might have even agreed to it after their first Halloween together.


Now I'd like to turn my attention to the whims of knitting. Despite the comical nature in which knitting was discussed on the podcast this week, there has been an emerging problem of knitted graffiti, aka yarn bombing aka yarn storms. Look at this once beautiful tree, now destroyed by some needling freak! 

Who would do this, and why? Think of the cats! What feline could possibly resist clawing up such a tree? How many cats must we rescue before we stand up and fight this madness?! If you have any decency please stop. I don't care if you're grandma's a huge Dr. Seuss fan and you forgot her birthday, don't do this. If you have any information leading to the capture and successful intervention of the leader of this revolution, known by Wikipedia as Deadly Knitshade, please come forward. I think this is a photograph of her resting on a stool...

Thank you.

Go to AaronBurrellComedy.com pick up my new digital comedy album! Now only $5, until I print the CDs!
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Music Vol. 1

In high school, my choir director would always say, "Music begins and ends in SILENCE!" Apparently, the applause at the end of each song was just an extension of the music. When I shared that thought with her, she told me to shut up, and I said, "Why, is there a song about to start somewhere?", and she would murder me with her eyeball laser stare of death.

Despite my onset anxiety triggered by traveling high school choirs, I must admit, when used correctly, music can be very therapeutic. But when music falls into the wrong hands, in malls during the holidays, no one is safe. School choirs are the sirens of the mall, distracting you from your odyssey of holiday shopping. Clearly I need to get over my traumatic past. I need musical therapy!

I have done a little research on musical therapy, they say that some studies date back to as early as the 1950's which means people have know about music for a long time! Research has evolved though, now we have technology to look at the brain and see how neurons are affected while people are listening to music. Here is a video that talks about some of the studies being done.

So music can bring back bad or good memories, just like smells. Just imagine mixing the two, smooth jazz playing in the background of a french pastry shop? If that doesn't jump start your positive memory synapses, you need a new childhood!

I get a lot of therapy from playing the piano, even though piano lessons always stressed me out. Playing the piano got me through some depressing times, now that I'm happily married and I love wife, I don't feel like I need to tickle the ivory as much. How many great musical careers have been nipped in the bud because of happy, healthy relationships? And one more thing, are they doing musical therapy research on lab rats as well? The answer is yes, and here comes the flute part...of that research.

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